I am lucky to live in a house filled with amazing artwork and in one of the bathrooms is this amazing poster that inspires me every single day:
I love this poster. It’s so simple and yet so amazing. This morning in my attempt to track down a copy of the poster (which seems nearly impossible!), I found myself reading article after article, blog after blog of feminist, body-loving, free spirit writing. The first article that I came across gives a simple background to the “Ruby Campaign”, the self esteem campaign put out by The Body Shop in 1998 and a little reflection by author of her own struggles with her body. After reading the whole article, I realized that it was by none other than Kate Harding, the co-author of Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body, which just happens to be the book that I am reading. The book was recently given to me by my amazing friend Ms. Guava and has really open my eyes up to a whole new notion of beauty.
I soon found myself reading more about the campaign and came to Anita Roddick, the founder of The Body Shop’s website. Here she said something very powerful to me, she said:
Ruby [the Barbie-like doll used in the campaign] was a fun idea, but she carried a serious message. She was intended to challenge stereotypes of beauty and counter the pervasive influence of the cosmetics industry, of which we understood we were a part. Perhaps more than we had even hoped, Ruby kick-started a worldwide debate about body image and self-esteem.
Ironically enough, The Body Shop was forced to stop their campaign because Mattel sent a cease-and-desist letter, arguing that Ruby made Barbie look bad. Roddick said that she “was ecstatic that Mattel thought Ruby was insulting to Barbie — the idea of one inanimate piece of molded plastic hurting another’s feelings was absolutely mind-blowing.” Of course, by this time, I felt my blood boiling. I don’t know if now, 12 years later, anything is any different. I found a moment of relief when I came across this blog and was so grateful to see someone else asking the same questions.
And then I saw this picture:
Not a doll, but a real woman. And I thought back to what Kate Harding said in that original article.
I did not personally want to look like “Ruby” ever again, and yet, I couldn’t stop looking at that picture of her every damned day. I loved it. I loved her. I just thought I would never, ever be able to be as comfortable in my own skin as that plastic doll. I thought I would never, ever be content with my lot as one of the 3 billion.
That is me. I am so inspired by this ad, by seeing a real woman, loving her body and in the same breath, I am tearing her apart. I will never be happy being a size 14, I hear myself thinking. And I’m reminded of something frustrating that my roommate said. She said, referring to someone else’s struggle with weight, “She could lose weight if she wanted to. She just needs to exercise more”. And even when I confronted her about how triggering that comment was, she didn’t get it. She didn’t truly get that it’s not that easy. When you have issues with overeating and your body is in physical pain, losing weight just isn’t that easy. And losing weight isn’t really the real issue we’re dealing with here. And so now, I feel the fury boiling greater and greater. I do not want to be obsessed with losing weight. I do not want to deprive and restrict myself so that I can fit into a size 8 again because even when I was a size 8, I wanted to be a 4. I look at these images and read these blogs and think, that is good for them, but I will happier when I’m skinner. I hide behind the notion of “being healthy”. I’ll be healthier when I’m skinnier. Which, frankly, is bullshit.
I want to love my body instead of grabbing the rolls and wishing them away. I don’t want to fear running into people from my fast, afraid that all they will see is how much weight I’ve gained. And I don’t want to look at pictures of people I knew in high school and comment in my head about they weight they’ve gained.
This cycle, this evil, cruel, demeaning cycle, MUST END NOW!
So the question is, in this society, can I truly be fat and happy?
I’ve faced the same issues…they’re not gender-specific, for the most part. I’ve gone back and forth on my understanding of them and myself and my relation to external standards over time. But I’ve ended up at a very different conclusion as I’ve watched several people who learned to totally accept their bodies suffer increasingly as they aged. One of my best friends has lived a couple of decades of accepting himself as he is…and the years are taking their toll on him. I’ve watched my grandfathers die, and my father get diabetes. And the clock is ticking. My grandfather had his first heart attack in his early 40′s. I’m in my mid-30′s. That’s too close for comfort. Ever see a fat 80 year old? They are so rare as to be almost nonexistant. And yet, average lifespans are almost to 80 now. The fattest people really do die first.
For me, it really is about health now. And I regret that I thought the way you are thinking when I was in my 20′s. I should have fixed this long ago. I didn’t really get serious about it until recently. I think you’re utterly right about the emotional side of things…about needing to accept yourself and not beat yourself up. But at the same time…when physical reality, family history, and reduced ability are staring you in the face (as they are for me)…eventually it’s not *JUST* about accepting yourself, but also about not accepting yourself–at the same time.
I’m not beating myself up here. But I’m firmly in touch with my will. And I no longer wish to live in the denial I’ve lived in. Time to live with integrity and not lie to myself. What other people think I should do, one way or the other, just doesn’t matter. Physics and biology are real.
Hi Lady, I think you’re exactly right when you say Vicious CYCLE! It absolutely is! With that said, I think in society as it stands it’s totally possible for you to be fat, and happy, AND healthy BUT it’s not going to be easy– and it doesn’t mean that the cultural questioning of yourself will ever stop. That’s what I really like about Lessons from the Fatosphere- it’s about combatting the cycle! It’s not advocating against biology it’s just advocating loving yourself. It’s not saying that if you go to the doctor and they say hey your cholesterol’s dangerously high you ignore it because you’re “happy” and you go home and eat bacon grease out of a jar… it means that you question all the reasons your cholesterol might be high… you realize it’s a problem- you’re NOT the problem.
I was talking to a therapist that specializes in the perinatal experience and she made a great point about food/weight/mood. She said there’s a reason why we crave certain bad foods– when we’re upset (or have our periods…) we crave foods that will give us a boost… starchy, carb filled, chocolate, etc. She said that when a woman comes in upset that she can’t lose the baby weight and how bad she feels about herself she tells the husband- we’re going to work on what’s really going on here but in the meantime when your wife’s upset and she feels like she needs a hamburger from McDonald’s (and you know if a VEGAN is telling you this it struck a chord:) ) then you go get her one and we’ll figure it out together. Sure, this isn’t a forever fix or a HEALTHY fix but you have to attack the cause not a symptom. (then there’s the whole food industry conspiracy but I’ll save that for another post! hehe…)
I haven’t done a ton of medical research on the claims they make in lessons from the fatosphere but I still stand completely behind it– it’s the MESSAGE they’re sending. They’re asking why we look disgustedly at the larger person huffing a little to take the stairs (hey- maybe they’re taking the stairs for a REASON) while we think nothing of the skinny college kid that eats carne asada fries at 2 in the morning
, drinks until they pass out, and then puts on make-up to use the stairmaster in the gym the next day. Is one really more/less healthy than the other?
It’s so complex– and DEEP SEEDED… this book.. the fat acceptance movement they’re just barely scratching the surface but we’re so far off that they are considered radical! There are so many layers to what’s going on with all of this.. and it is important that in this struggle we do focus on our health and take care of ourselves or we will pay the price! BUT we should take care of ourselves because we love ourselves and want to celebrate life– we shouldn’t be punishing ourselves that we’re not an aesthetic ideal. We might be physically healthy (but probably not) but we won’t be emotionally happy– it’s a trade off. Lessons from the Fatosphere is advocating that we can be both physically AND emotionally healthy… that we can FLOURISH in every aspect of our being!